Josh after Gracie
by Goshstorywriter
Summary: Set 6 months after the death of Grace, what might happen to Josh and how he copes with her loss. There are 5 chapters as Josh discovers love with a new girl. After ch. 3 there are two possible storylines, this one or the Josh & Sophie story also posted.
1. Chapter 1

Originally this started off as a scene in the Lawson story I've been posting, but then it took on a life of it's own !  
This is set approx 6 months after Grace's death or basically however long **you** think Josh can last without 'physical intimacy' !!

Josh has been spending all of his spare time getting seriously into exercise as a way of coping with Grace's death. He still visits her grave but it's become a ritual that he realises doesn't really bring him any closer to her and it frustrates him that her memory is becoming distant. He has no personal photos of her, he can't believe they didn't take a photo together, too busy doing other things....... So he's been spending his time at the gym pumping weights, running along the beach, bike riding, even a bit of watersports... Anything to occupy his time and keep himself busy. He completely avoids girls at the pub when he and his mates go for a drink, especially blondes, they haven't a chance of striking up a conversation with him. He doesn't care if he appears rude, he just gets up and leaves, he can't handle the sight of brown eyes and blonde hair.

**But how long can a red-blooded male go without ?**

Josh was starting to ask himself this question. He absolutely did not want a girlfriend, a relationship. He didn't want to go on an arranged date, all those girls wanted was marriage and babies, if not now then sooner or later and **none** of them was Grace. He didn't want them to replace Grace either.

Lawson had tried to gently nudge him towards the idea of dating but Josh quickly shut him up by saying "no-one will replace Grace and I like it that way"  
Lawson: "but what about the old Josh ? the breaking hearts, love 'em and leave 'em moments later Josh ?"  
Josh; "yeah, well I guess it's a possibility..." Josh wondered if it was being unfaithful to Grace if he indulged in some casual s e x but it wasn't indulgence , it was starting to feel like necessity !  
Seeing the sexual tension between Lawson and Cate wasn't helping either. Usually he wouldn't care that much but the loss of Grace had changed his attitude.

One day at Josh's local cafe

Working the afternoon shift. He always hated that, got to fill in the morning with an extended exercise regime. He's done the morning jog, went home, cooled off in the shower, walked around the apartment with the towel wrapped around his waist, looking at the view, thinking of Grace, what he would be doing if she was here.....  
( I am sure that you can add much more to this scenario without me providing details but the focus of my story is **not** Josh in the shower or half-dressed in the apartment so lets move on ! )

Now he finds himself at the local cafe ordering coffee with the newspaper under his arm.  
There's a new girl at the cafe. She takes a good look at him as he comes in, chooses a table and sits down. He's looking great with all this extra exercise. She thinks that he must be a professional sportsplayer, but she knows his name already.  
"Brendan" she says as she arrives at his table to take his order.  
Josh looks like he's been slapped in the face, confused, stunned. In a split second he thinks "is it mum ?" then he looks up at her and stammers; "Josh actually, my name's Josh"  
She smiles "No, it's Brendan Joshua isn't it ?"  
He's very puzzled.  
She laughs. " I knew you wouldn't recognise me, no-one does anymore. My name's Sophie Miller"  
Josh; "Sophie ? from high school ?"  
Sophie; "yes, of course......why aren't you Brendan anymore ?"  
Josh is rather stunned, his day has been turned upside down. Sophie Miller was chubby with pimples and a quiet wallflower. This girl is confident, cheeky and cute.  
Josh; "uh....well, I made a new start when I moved to Melbourne you know...."  
He wonders if she knows about his brother, probably not. He couldn't stand being called Brendan anymore, even now when someone says it he thinks it's his mother, or worse still...........Gavin calling out to him. He never wants to be called by that name again.

Sophie is still standing there ( this coffee is going to take a while ! ) The cafe is quiet mid-morning.  
Sophie; "do you have the day off ? Sorry to ask so many questions but you look really fit, are you an AFL player or something ?"  
Josh laughs, "no" he says, "I'm working this afternoon, I fill in the mornings with a bit of exercise"  
Sophie notices that he still hasn't answered her question ( about his job )  
She asks again; "so what is it you do in the afternoon ?"  
Josh; "oh, I'm a cop, a Sergeant with tactical response..."  
She's impressed and immediately wonders what he would look like in a uniform.  
Sophie; "wow, I hadn't expected that !"  
Josh; "so do you think I can get my coffee ?"  
Sophie; "oh yes, sorry, I'll get it straightaway" and she rushes off.  
Josh enjoyed talking to her but now he's annoyed that his little routine has been disrupted and it's difficult to remain anonymous and read the paper knowing that she's there.

He doesn't stay as long as usual but politely says goodbye to her in a friendly tone. After he leaves he realises that he still hasn't asked her what she does other than work in the cafe, probably part-time. She might be a student....... He still can't believe how good she looked, damn it he says to himself, think of Gracie, don't forget her.....  
He'll remember to ask Sophie more questions next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Josh after Gracie Chapter 2

Josh has met an old school acquaintance at his local café and they seem to get on well.

After Josh leaves Sophie quizzes the other regular waitress about him.  
Michelle ( the other waitress ); " he often comes in, he seems to live nearby"  
Sophie; " does he always come alone ?"  
Michelle; " recently yes, but maybe 6 months ago he had this gorgeous blonde, they were all over each other, so cute, **obviously** in love. I think she might have been a cop too, but suddenly she stopped coming. I asked him once where she was and he seemed really cut-up about it. In fact he seemed rather depressed for a while there. Classic case of a broken heart I'd say...."  
Sophie; " wow, how sad.....he's pretty hot "  
Michelle is amused; " fancy him do you ?"  
Sophie; "maybe !"  
Sophie finishes her shift for the day and goes to her studies.

Next day

Josh arrives earlier today, he doesn't have such a late shift today.  
He asks Michelle about Sophie; "Sophie not in today ?"  
Michelle; "nuh, she's at Uni today"  
Josh; "Uni hey ?"  
No more info. is volunteered and he's reluctant to appear too interested. He doesn't want a girlfriend but Sophie intrigues him at the moment, he's been thinking about her. He thinks that he can strike up an "old school - mates friendship" with her.

Following day.

Josh had a morning shift and arrives at the cafe in the afternoon. Sophie is actually about to finish her shift. They chat a little; "hi, how are you" etc, then walk out of the cafe together when she finishes her shift ( which just happens to co-incide with him finishing his coffee ). She's carrying a camera, an SLR film camera, pretty unusual these days when everyone has tiny digitals.  
Josh, laughing; "what kind of antique is that ?"  
Sophie; "its an SLR, you know; film, shutter speed, aperture, manual focus..."  
Josh nods, "sounds pretty serious "  
Sophie; "well yeah, if you want to take a decent photo, enlarge it for an exhibition or publication, then that's what you will need"  
Josh; " I see, so are you a photographer ?"  
Sophie; "well, not exactly, I'm studying photography at Uni"  
Josh; " oh " ( of course he already knew she is a student but he can't let her know that he's been asking questions )  
Sophie; "did you think I worked in the cafe full-time ? "  
Josh; "no, of course not, well, not that there's anything wrong with that ......."  
Sophie laughs.  
Josh; "but shouldn't you be using digital technology ?"  
Sophie; "we do that too, but this term we're doing wet photography, that's film, developing our own film and photos in the darkroom"  
Josh; "sounds cool !"  
Sophie; "yeah, it's fun, like magic seeing the image appear on the paper, floating in the chemicals"  
Josh; "so what sort of stuff do you photograph ?"  
Sophie; "I like photographing people. Our subject this term - for our assessment - is sport"  
Josh; "ok, so what sport are you going to do ?"  
Sophie; "I dunno yet.........what sports do **you** do ?"  
Josh; "well, nothing organised......."  
Sophie; "why don't **you** pose for me ?" ( this isn't spontaneous, she'd been thinking about this since she first saw him and mistook him for a professional sportsman )  
Josh stops and stares at her; "**me ?** "  
Sophie; "why not ?"  
Josh opens and closes his mouth, he doesn't know what to say......he's stunned.. "uh.......well, why not.....ok then......."  
Sophie smiles.  
Josh; "hang on.......is this nude ?"  
Sophie laughs; "Photography isn't always of nudes !"  
She doesn't dare say yes, she doesn't want to scare him off, but if he's game then she'll do it.  
Josh isn't sure what to think, but he's not one to be cautious, why not, this is the most adventure he's had in months.  
Josh; "so when do we start ?"

When Josh and Sophie next see each other at the cafe, they exchange phone numbers so that they can arrange to meet for the photo shoot. She notices that he has a blonde girl's photo on his phone screensaver ( help me here, is it called that ? ) but she doesn't say anything.

Josh is still a bit worried about this photo shoot idea. He mentions it again.  
Josh; "it's not nude, right ?" Sophie is amused but tries not to show it; "Josh, we're going to meet in a public park !" Josh nods; "right, yes we are, ok, see you tomorrow then"

Next day

They meet at the park, he's going to go jogging.  
Josh; "what do you want me to do ?"  
Sophie; "Josh, I don't want you to pose for me"  
Josh is relieved, but now he's confused.  
Sophie continues; "because that would look too unnatural, I just want you to do your normal routine and I'll follow you"  
Josh; "what, like a stalker ?"  
Sophie; "well yeah...."  
She laughs, and he's finding this amusing too, he relaxes a bit, He never thought he could get so wound up over some photos.  
Josh; "so are you going to run too ?" ( looking at her unsuitable clothes )  
Sophie; "no, can't you go around in a circle or something ? I'll just sit on this bench."  
Josh cracks a joke; "or hide behind a tree" She laughs and says; "ha ha "  
Josh starts warming up; "I've got to warm up first"  
Sophie starts photographing him. He finds it very odd and worries a little about what the other joggers might think. Maybe he shouldn't have come to his usual spot, now they'll be wondering who he is, getting photographed like he was someone special..  
She continues photographing him and by the end he is all sweaty and flushed.  
Sophie; "well, that's enough for today, have you finished ?"  
Josh; "uh, maybe" ( he'd usually do more, but he's had enough of photographs )  
He comes over and looks at her camera.  
Josh; "its weird not being able to see the shots on the LCD screen"  
Sophie; "well you'll have to wait a while. First I have to finish the film and process it, then do a proofsheet, then choose the best shots..."  
Josh; "geez, how long will that take ?"  
Sophie; "I have to book the darkroom too, everyone else is doing assignments at the same time". Josh rolls his eyes, then asks; "so didn't you finish a roll of film ?"  
She looks; "no, there's a couple of shots left"  
Josh: "lets see ?" He has his hand out to take the camera.  
She passes him the camera, and he immediately points it at her, starts focusing.  
Sophie; "Josh ! do you know what you're doing ?"  
Josh; "maybe...."  
Sophie; "yeah right " and she goes to get it off him, but he weaves and ducks.  
He takes a couple of shots of her smiling and laughing and then the film is finished.  
She takes it off him and checks the aperture and focus, looks fine, maybe he did know what he was doing....  
They soon part ways and he goes home for a shower. He's not going to tell her that he did some photography course once, nothing as serious as what she's doing, so he doesn't want to brag about it. His little secret.

Two weeks later.

Josh and Sophie are friends, there's some sexual tension, but he's been doing a good job of ignoring it. He still believes that they can be 'old school-friends' which is ridiculous because Josh never does that and the frustration of several months without is starting to wear him down...... Sophie senses his reluctance and is wary of pursuing anything. They've done a few shoots and she's shown him a proof sheet, but he finds it awkward looking at photos of himself and he had to pretend to be interested. He's not vain.

She's found it thrilling watching the images emerge in the shadows of the darkroom, seeing his body appear on the paper is like a private glimpse into his world but looking at his face, it's a very closed world and she knows she's not allowed in yet.

They meet at the cafe, looking over a new proofsheet. His phone beeps, he has a message. When he puts the phone back down she can see that blonde girl's face again. This time she says something.  
Sophie; "Who's that on your phone ?"  
It seems like an innocent enough question, but he's reluctant to answer. He sits still, looking at the photo. She watches him. Then he picks up his phone, puts it in his pocket stands up without looking at her, then he walks out the door quickly. He didn't say a word.  
Sophie sits shocked.  
Sophie; "wow...." and she looks across at the other waitress in astonishment.


	3. Chapter 3

Following on directly from when Josh left the café abruptly because Sophie had asked him who the girl was on her phone.

Josh goes for a walk. He has mixed feelings, he's got used to seeing Grace on his phone every day, he put her photo there when she was still alive, he remembers clearly the day they were mucking around taking photos.... He has a couple of photos on his phone and computer, but after 6 months he no longer feels quite as distressed when he sees her face. This in itself is difficult enough to grasp, that his feelings for her might eventually fade away..... The thought of having to explain it to another girl.....where to start ? That brought up old feelings again, he needed some breathing space.

Josh calls Sophie later when he knows she will be back home. "Sophie, I'm sorry to walk out like that...." She tentatively accepts his apology; " ok...."  
Josh knows he has to explain it; "it's hard to explain..."  
Sophie; "are you ok ?"  
Josh; "yes..... I just needed some space..."  
There is silence.  
Josh; "can I come see you ?"  
Josh has been to her place before, he had to pick her up for a photoshoot because she doesn't have a car.  
Sophie:"I'm at home now"  
Josh says nothing. He called her on her mobile but he knew she'd be home. He wants to see her at home in privacy.  
Sophie: "ok, come over then"  
She's rather stunned. This is an unexpected development.

Josh arrives at the door, apologetic, big sad eyes. How can she resist ? She lets him in with a smile. He hasn't been inside before, it's new territory.

She gets them both a beer and they sit on the sofa. He's not sure where to start, this is more awkward then he thought, it's not like the old days when he easily charmed with bold self-confidence. He starts to tell her about Grace, with difficulty.  
Josh: "that photo......."  
Sophie nods.  
Josh: "it's of Grace"

It's a relief for him to get those words out but Sophie just looks at him. She has no idea who Grace is but obviously this is important, this girl must have really kicked him in the guts.  
Josh realizes that he needs to explain: "Grace was a cop in my team"  
Sophie notices the subtle tense: "was ?" ( frowning )  
Josh: "yes............um.............we were lovers......for a few months...only....." he swallows.

Josh is biting his lip, his hands clenched around the beer. He takes another swig of beer.  
Josh then continues; "I loved her.........and...........on the last day.........she said that she loved me .......she'd been hurt ......in a bombing.........but she seemed fine. I thought she was ok, we all did......."  
Sophie can't believe how intense this story is, it's not at all what she imagined or expected. She really feels for him.  
Josh takes another drink and looks down at the ground. He doesn't know how to say it without sounding brutal, to say those words......she died.......  
Sophie; "what happened Josh ?"  
Josh; "she …………….. she died in hospital"  
Sophie gasps and puts her hand to her mouth.

Josh takes another drink. "I really don't like to talk about it, you know, sometimes it seems so long ago, sometimes......"  
Sophie nods. He's looking at her now. She puts her arm around him without saying anything. Josh is glad of that, he doesn't need talking, he just wants some comforting. Without Grace and without his family, it's been a lonely 6 months. He leans into her shoulder. A couple of tears roll down his cheek. He regains his composure though and turns to her, looks at her. She smiles at him and touches his wet cheek, dries it, then she leans over and kisses him on the mouth tenderly, hesitatingly, not sure how he will react. He returns her kiss.

Note - he didn't tell her that Grace was married.

Sitting on the sofa next to Sophie, Josh felt some relief after so many months of loneliness, depression even. It'd been a struggle to get through the day sometimes and to not break down at work. The nights alone in bed were the worst and he often slept on the couch so that he couldn't feel the emptiness next to him. Certainly he was used to sleeping alone but even when Grace had been absent he had imagined her presence or her future presence next to him.

He was grateful for some intimacy with another person and he ran his hands through Sophie's dark hair as they kissed. It wasn't passonate or urgent but tender and fulfilling. It was what he needed for now. They stopped kissing and she held him tightly in her arms. Although he had seemed to be in control before, he was now shaking and sobbing. Sophie was shocked, she had never seen such a large strong man so vulnerable.  
Sophie; "Josh, its ok, its ok"  
Josh nods and breaks the embrace, wipes his face and sighs deeply.  
Josh; "I guess I should go now."  
Sophie; "why ?"  
Josh shrugs.  
Sophie; "don't go back and sit in your apartment alone"  
It's late afternoon.  
Josh; "I'm pretty hungry actually"  
Sophie; "ok, let's get some food, how about takeaway thai ? and we can watch a movie"  
Josh laughs; "what movie ?"  
Sophie points to her bookshelf. "There's plenty to choose from"  
Josh realises that he's been so introspective that he hasn't looked around the room. She does have a lot of Dvds and he gets up to look. There are quite a few that he wouldn't mind seeing.  
Josh; "ok then, good idea"  
Sophie gets the takeaway menu, Josh chooses a film and they enjoy a quiet night in, mates, enjoying each other's company. They don't kiss again, not tonight.

The sexy stare

This part was written in direct response to a photo of Josh which was discussed on the channel ten forum as "the sexy stare" photo.

Josh had been waiting at the park for ages ( or so it seemed ). Sophie was supposed to take some more photos. He found it so frustrating, he just wanted to go for a run, he should just take off, stuff her, but he was a man who kept his word and he kind of respected Sophie.

Where was she ?

Finally she turns up.

Sophie can see Josh standing, pacing up and down, jumping a bit, he looks very edgy, not in the mood for photos. She slowly approaches, she doesn't really have a good excuse for her lateness, well, apart from the fact that the bus was late, she really should get a car one day, but she can't say that because she should have left earlier........ She's a bit worried, he can get pretty moody sometimes.

She hesitatingly walks over to him, he was so agitated that he hadn't noticed her approaching.

Josh finally sees her walking his way, past the trees. He stops jumping around and stands still. He folds his arms in front and stares down at her, with his intimidating ( some might say sexy ) stare. She's pretty short too so he is really looking down at her.

Sophie is now standing in front of him.  
Sophie; "Um, hi Josh......"  
He stares at her some more, waiting for an explanation. No need to speak when you are Josh.  
Sophie; "you know, those bus timetables are pretty useless...."  
She stops, this is getting her nowhere and she is incredibly turned on by that look of his, she is completely entranced by those angry green eyes. She would secretly like him to walk over right now, grab her by the arms and pull her towards him, kiss her passionately.

My god, how is she going to concentrate and take photos now ?

Josh doesn't walk over and grab her, instead he grunts and says;  
"whatever, are you ready ? I've been here for........oh come on, what do you want me to do ?"

She fumbles amongst her gear and tries to look professional.  
Josh is a bit stunned, something is up, he thinks, she's not really with it.  
Josh; "you look stressed, maybe you need a drink...."  
Sophie: "you want to drink and then run ?"  
Josh: "no, I said **you** need a drink, I'm fine...."  
Sophie; "well, I'm fine too then, lets do it and think about drinks later."  
Josh; "righto then"

Immediately following The Sexy Stare

After the photoshoot Josh again suggests that she needs a drink to relax. She's definitely tenser than usual and he's noticed this, its putting him on edge. Although before he said he didn't need a drink, he's changed his mind.

However first Josh needs to have a shower, he's pretty sweaty from the running even though it was all staged and short-lived. He suggests they go back to his place, its not far away and there's a bottle shop nearby. They go in his car and he buys some cold beers at the bottle shop. He offers her one in the car while he's driving and she accepts. She leans her arm on the window in the afternoon sun and takes a swig, he quite likes having her there next to him, it's been a while since he's had a girl in the passenger seat, even Grace was a rare visitor to his car.

Back at Josh's apartment he sets her up in a comfy seat on the balcony, with her beer, whilst he has a shower. She hasn't been to his place before. She has a little look around, nothing too revealing, a fairly blokey joint, with a few gadgets and boy's toys.

In the shower he thinks about the situation, relaxing his body, the water streaming down his back, his legs.......He leans with his hands against the wall, his head under the jet of water. He hadn't planned this, it wasn't his intention to bring her back here, it just happened. He could see she needed to relax somewhere quiet and a pub wasn't a good choice, maybe the park, but he was all sweaty and hot and bothered.

He wonders what is wrong, why she is so tense.

Out on the balcony Sophie is stunned by this development. Yes they'd kissed at her place last week, but that was all and she had got the impression that he wasn't in a **rush** to get her in bed, that he wasn't ready for a lover. This current situation was rather puzzling. She really liked him and enjoyed his company, as for any physical attraction, well, what was there to complain about ?

Josh got out of the shower and dried himself off, looked at himself in the mirror for a moment thinking, where was this friendship going ? Did it matter ?  
He walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist and started looking for some clothes to put on. He'd better go see how she was doing. On the way he grabs himself a beer.

Josh goes out to the balcony where Sophie is watching the sunset over the industrial cityscape. She's nearly finished her beer and she's more relaxed.  
Josh: "hey " ( in a soft voice ) "how are you feeling now ?"  
Sophie smiles up at him; "good........I feel good...."  
She looks back at the view trying **not** to look at him.  
Sophie; "sunset over the buildings hey ?"  
Josh; "yeah, I guess I don't look at it that much anymore"  
He pulls up a chair and sits next to her. He has a beer too. Sophie looks at him.  
Sophie; "mind if I have a second ?"  
Josh; "yeah sure, no worries "  
He gets up.  
S; "no, I can get it "  
Josh insists. He knows how to play the polite host. He puts his hand on her bare shoulder as she goes to stand up ( her shirt sleeve has slipped down ). He gently pushes her back into her seat, leaving her skin tingling after his touch as he walks off to the kitchen. Goosebumps shimmering across her back.  
Josh comes back and hands her a beer.  
Sophie: "thanks"  
Josh sits back down again, they clink their beers together, she smiles shyly, suddenly coy.  
Josh; "you know, I hardly remember you from high school"  
Sophie; "you wouldn't, I don't expect you to"  
Josh; "who were you friends with ?"  
Sophie; "I didn't really have many friends, I hung out in the library, drawing...."  
Josh; "oh"  
Sophie: "I had a massive crush on you in Year 11" There, it's out in the open, silly little admission that has been bugging her, making her tense.  
Josh; "is that right ? I didn't notice"  
Sophie; " of course you didn't . Come on Josh, you were in the footy team ! Half the girls in year 11 had the hots for you !"  
Josh just stares at her.  
Sophie: "I guess it's two different worlds hey ? Boys and girls in high school...."  
Josh nods.  
Sophie thinks; Christ, I'm relaxed now !, 2 beers and no food....  
Josh is looking at her face, the way her dark hair falls across her ear, her cute dimples. She's nearly finished her second beer. Josh would think twice about taking advantage of her except that he remembers it was Sophie who started the kissing last time at her place and she was sober that time. So he pushes the fallen lock of hair back behind her ear and traces the outline of her jawline with his finger. She shivers under his touch. He cups her chin in his hand and leans over whilst drawing her closer. They kiss, at first hesitatingly, then intensely. She has a loose summer shirt on, and he pushes it right off her shoulder, then he remembers that they are out on the balcony.  
Josh; "lets go inside".

Half an hour later

Sophie and Josh are lying on his bed amongst the sheets, naked. He lies behind her, his leg over her legs, his arm around her waist and his face tucked in to her shoulder. Her hair brushes over his face. He breathes in her warmth, the feminine smell of make-up and perfume. He feels secure, satisfied and at peace. He hasn't felt this way for months, not since Gracie, but its different, he doesn't feel that he has substituted Sophie for Grace.

Sophie sighs, a smile spreads across her face.  
Josh hears her sigh; "what's wrong ?"  
Sophie; "nothing, nothing at all" and she turns around to smile at him lying next to her.  
Josh; "stay here"  
Sophie frowns.  
Sophie; "what do you mean exactly ?"  
Josh rolls his eyes and thinks, why do I always need to explain myself to girls.  
Sophie; "what ? Are you asking me to move in just like that ? "  
Josh; "well........yeah, I guess......... I don't know, I just like having you here next to me. I don't want it to end"  
Sophie; "that's sweet Josh, but......"  
Josh; " I guess I hadn't really thought things through, it was just spontaneous......"  
Sophie just watches him. She's very tempted to say yes but knows it will probably backfire and she'd prefer to take things slowly.  
Sophie; "Josh.......let's not ruin it, I like you, I'm not going to leave you"  
Josh nods.  
Sophie; "I'm a bit surprised though, I thought you were happy living alone, I mean......you didn't live with Grace did you ?"  
Josh doesn't look at her.  
Sophie; "Josh ? " She wonders if she shouldn't have said her name, tricky situation....  
Josh; "I haven't told you something important, well, it doesn't really matter now anyway, and it's not relevant to us......"  
Sophie looks at him in nervous expectation.  
Josh looks up at her.  
Josh; "Grace was married. We were having an affair. "  
Sophie mouth drops open but she says nothing.  
Josh; " She told him, you know, she told him just before she died......."  
Sophie swears quietly. No wonder the poor guy has been such an emotional wreck, and now she's brought it up again by mentioning her name. She regards him with a concerned look.  
Josh; "It's alright, I've had months to think about this. I need to move on, I want to move on with you Sophie."  
She kisses him.  
Josh; "Are you hungry ? It's 7pm you know, I've worked up an appetite now !" he adds with a cheeky grin. She pushes him off the bed and laughs.  
Josh; "lets go get some food"  
They get up and start collecting their clothes, which are on the floor in a trail leading back to the lounge and balcony door.

**Note;** When Josh says "stay here" its open to interpretation, does he mean stay in bed with me now, tonight or move in ? I don't think he even knows, he just says it spontaneously.


	4. Chapter 4

Several months later

Sophie and Josh are still going out together but she refuses to move in because she's scared of ruining a good thing and she likes having her own space. Josh is rather bemused as he's used to girls demanding or expecting him to ask them to move in. Her refusal only makes him keener. She's driving him crazy. So crazy that he actually lets her photograph him naked, nothing posed or artificial, some clandestine shots around the house, in bed...

She said that she' s not going to exhibit them. At the moment he doesn't care. Lawson would kill him for letting down his guard like this ! He chuckles to himself. He trusts her now and these photos are very arty, rather abstract, who was that photographer she rants about ? Weston ? That's right, Edward Weston, female nudes that look like landscapes....that's what she said she was aiming for, although Josh really thought that it was just an excuse to get him naked. It didn't matter, he was happy to oblige her whims.

Tonight they are going to her mid-year student's exhibition. He's been dreading this. He's met a few of her friends, they were nice but he found their conversation rather intimidating, or alien. But he'd promised that he'd come and he knew that it was important to her, she had half a dozen photos on display, along with all her classmates' work and he knew that some of them were of him......

Sophie had none too subtley advised him on clothing, a particular pair of black jeans and jacket that she said looked hot on him, whatever, if she's happy...... They turn up at the gallery after quite a few people have already arrived. He has his hands in his pockets, black jacket up around his neck, shoulders hunched, eyes furtively analysing the scene. He'd feel more comfortable in a hostage scenario ! She gets him a beer, he tries to relax, nods hello at people, admires her photographs. He's wearing his jogging gear in them so hopefully no-one will recognise him. But he's wrong, as soon as he stands in the corner trying to disappear into the walls, a couple of the girls are checking him out. "Is that Sophie's new bloke ?" "Gee, he's hot as !" " Where'd she pick him up ?" "I heard he's a cop, did you know that ?" "wonder what he looks like in uniform ?" They giggle to each other.

After a suitable time at the exhibition, Josh is desperate to leave, to go somewhere quieter with Sophie. He's had a couple of beers and has relaxed and spoken to a few of her friends but he's still itching to escape. She's bubbly and energetic, on a high, but agrees to leave. They walk out into the cool night air, arm in arm down the street. Its very quiet outside compared to the noise of the gallery. There's a bit of a walk back to the car but Josh is happy to walk with her by his side.

Josh is relaxed, he's let his guard down. Sophie is explaining something and moves out of his embrace, talking to him. Neither of them notice the man standing in the shadows who suddenly lunges forward and grabs Sophie around the waist, demanding their money and phones. Sophie screams out : "Josh !" and he instantly goes to tackle the man but he has a knife pointing towards her and Josh pulls up at the last minute. The man yells again for their money. Sophie has gone white and limp, held in the stranger's arms. Josh can hardly think straight, what can he do here alone ? Call for back-up ? How embarrassing.  
He calmly talks to the man; "Ok mate, relax, you'll get what you want, just let go of her......"  
Man; "Who do you think you are , hey, Mr Cool ? Give it now ! "  
Josh; "Ok, ok " and he reaches into his pocket. As he starts to hand his phone over, he can see the man is desperate, not exactly as sure of himself as he had first seemed. So Josh makes a risky move and as he hands over his phone, with one hand, he quickly reaches with his other hand and wrenches the hand with the knife away from Sophie.

Josh and the man struggle a little. Sophie has staggered forward on to the kerb. Josh tries to restrain the man but he wiggles out and runs off. Normally Josh would pursue but he can see that Sophie is a nervous wreck and he can't leave her alone here on the kerb. He pulls her up and wraps his arms around her, she's shaking and starting to sob in shock.

Josh; "shh, shh, its ok, he's gone now, you're alright" He pushes the hair back from her face and neck, double-checking that she hasn't been cut, then he holds her tightly in his embrace. They start walking back to the car. Josh won't let her go home alone tonight, he takes her back to his place.

Sophie has never felt physically threatened before, never been in a situation where her life was in danger. Josh has of course become rather immune to these situations and deals with it in a professional, detached manner. When he first sees how pale and shaky she is, he knows that she can't deal with it but he is so focused on getting her out of there that he can't stop to think about it in detail. He reassures her and helps her back to the car. She is pale, shaky and sobbing.

She is the complete opposite of the bubbling, energetic woman he had left the gallery with. Josh calls the cops on the way to the car and gives a description of the dangerous man on the loose but he doesn't hang around for interviews, heading straight home. He just wants to get Sophie somewhere safe and warm. She is silent and withdrawn in the car. It's not far to his apartment. As they go inside, he has his arm around her. He tries to get her to drink something warm but she refuses.  
As he is standing in the kitchen thinking about making her a hot chocolate, she lurches for the bathroom and throws up. He comes in to find her sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, she is cold and clammy. He picks her up and takes her in to his bed, wraps her up warm and lies next to her, holding her tightly. They fall asleep together. But Sophie doesn't sleep well and in the morning she has dark circles under her eyes. Josh doesn't look much better and he calls in sick which disgusts Lawson, who assumes that Josh has had a big night out. The local cops come around for a talk about what happened last night. They can see that Sophie isn't well, and they advise Josh to take her to see a doctor, get some medication.

Suddenly Josh finds himself the carer, driving Sophie to appointments and worrying about her. It's a sudden shift in their relationship but he's desperate to protect her, after his failure to save Grace. Sophie finally falls asleep under medication that afternoon and Josh is just starting to relax when the doorbell rings. It's Lawson come to give Josh a lecture. Josh sits in stony silence as Lawson rants, then when there is a brief gap, Josh interrupts with;  
Josh; "Sophie nearly died last night"  
Lawson; "what ? "  
Josh; "we were attacked in an alleyway, the guy had a knife to her throat"  
Lawson; "you serious ?"  
Josh; "I thought I was going to lose **her** too"  
Josh looks up at Lawson, tears starting to well in his eyes.  
Lawson; "mate...." and he sits down next to Josh, puts his arm around him.  
Josh starts sobbing, his face in his hands, Lawson feels terrible now.  
Lawson; "sorry mate............is she ok ? Where is she ?"  
Josh; "she's in my room, she only just fell asleep, we had to go see a doctor, get some medication"  
Lawson stares into space, not sure what to say now.  
Josh; "she's not good, she's not coping....."  
Lawson gets up, chooses to give Josh a few moments to recover his self-control, so he goes to the bedroom door and looks at her asleep on the bed. Lawson goes back and stands in front of Josh.  
Lawson; "I want you to see someone, talk about it....."  
Josh; "I'll be right"  
Lawson; "No Josh, this is an order. You know what I'm talking about, first Grace and now this......you need to talk about it this time...."  
Josh; "talking about it ain't gonna make Grace come back....we've been through this...."  
Lawson: "do you value what you have now with Sophie ?"  
Josh nods.  
Lawson; "well, make sure that you're well and truly sorted, no ghosts in the cupboard....and talk about what's just happened....don't try to control it this time...."  
Josh; "alright, alright, enough lecturing"  
Lawson; " take some time off Josh, spend it with Sophie"  
Josh; "sure "

The healing holiday !

Josh follows Lawson's advice and takes Sophie away on a short break. They haven't done anything like this before. Josh takes a week off work and organises medical certificates for Sophie. He tells her its a surprise ( the destination ) and he helps her to pack her stuff. He wishes she'd just move in with him, it would make life easier. She's already spending so much time at his place now, she might as well be living there. But he doesn't dare say anything about it, he's decided to leave it up to her to raise the topic.

When Lawson suggested they go away for a break, Josh wondered where to go at such short notice. He had fleeting thoughts of a surprise plane trip interstate, then he thought better of it when he remembered her panic attacks and medication. Best to stick to something simple, relaxing and comfortable. It wasn't summer weather anymore, the beginning of autumn.

Sophie still hasn't been sleeping well and she's on medication, she's not quite herself but Josh is incredibly patient and calm with her. He'd already made a personal commitment to stick with her before this incident and now he's even more determined to help her through this. He remembers clearly the Sophie who made him enjoy life again.....

They leave Melbourne in his car, after the morning peak hour traffic. He has packed their bags, snacks and some road music. Josh is in a relaxed mood, he's pleased with himself for having organised this. Sophie is overwhelmed by it all but appreciative and she sits with a rug pulled up over her knees, waiting for the adventure to unfold.

Two hours later and Sophie has fallen asleep, her head leaning on the pillow. They are in the countryside now. She wakes up and looks out the window.  
Sophie; "wow, where are we Josh ?"  
Josh; "dunno"  
Sophie giggles and hits him on the arm. "you do too know"  
Josh; "ow !" but he smiles, glad to hear her giggle.  
Josh; "lucky I don't have one of those piss - weak city-boy cars ! " as he negotiates his rusty old four-wheel drive over the bumps on the gravel road.  
Sophie; "this is really turning into quite an adventure ! "  
Josh smiles to himself, she hasn't sounded this enthusiastic since her exhibition.  
Sophie; "I should take some photos...... look at those trees !"  
Josh; "your camera's in the bag on the back seat"  
Sophie; "really ?" She stares at him in astonishment.  
Josh stops the car, looks at her; "why don't you get it out ?"  
Sophie leans over, hugs and kisses him, "thanks Josh "  
Josh; "you're welcome"

Not long after they arrive at a small village on the beach with views across the bay. They stop the car.  
Sophie; "wow ! what is this place ?"  
Josh; "Walkerville. Just a quite little spot I discovered a few years ago."  
Sophie; "what a view !"  
Josh; "that's Wilson's Promontory across the bay"  
Sophie; "oh !"  
Josh; "we can go there for a day trip, but lets go find our beach-house now"  
Sophie: "our beach-house ?" She beams widely.  
Josh; "yes" he pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket, checks the address, then slowly drives off.

They soon arrive at a beach-house with a verandah overlooking the bay. They open the door, go inside, the rooms have large windows with views, and there is comfy furniture and a fireplace.  
Sophie is completely dumbstruck, she thinks to herself; I'm just a Uni student, I've only ever roughed it at campsites or backpacker hostels ! We've got a whole house to ourselves ? !  
Sophie; "Josh, this must've cost you a fortune !"  
Josh; "not really, it's not peak season...it can get pretty cold at this time of the year actually. Anyway, you can thank Lawson for finding this place, when I mentioned coming here, he knew the owners...."  
Josh busies himself getting the bags out of the car. He's also packed food and comfy treats like chocolate. Alcohols a bit of a no-go with her medication......shame about that.  
Josh comes back inside. Sophie is standing at the window, looking at the view. He stands behind her, puts his arms around her waist and leans his chin into her shoulder.  
Josh; "lets go for a walk, hey ?"  
Sophie smiles contentedly.  
They put on warm jackets and head out. It's not too cold but there's a bit of an afternoon wind. They walk quietly along the beach together. Josh has his arm wrapped protectively around Sophie and she leans into his embrace.

It's night time, the fire is crackling, Josh and Sophie are on the lounge together, eating chocolate and listening to the fire and the waves outside, their legs are wrapped up in a warm rug.

Josh has some wine and he offers a glass to Sophie. She shakes her head.  
Josh; "come on, it'll help you relax, just one glass...."  
Sophie; "I don't think I should"  
Josh; "its fine ( he offers her the glass ), my friend Serena said it was fine"  
Sophie: "your friend Serena ? ( she looks doubtful and jealous )  
Josh nods. "Don't worry, she's married, she's cool, she works in medicine, she knows.......look, its fine, trust me" He pushes the glass at her, insisting.  
Sophie takes the glass out of his hand and settles back into the lounge.  
She DOES start to feel more relaxed. They talk about what they saw today, the beach, the view, birds.  
Sophie; "makes you remember what you miss after living in the city for so long, doesn't it ? "  
Josh; "mmm "  
He's not too comfortable with where this conversation is heading, back to his farming roots...  
Sophie; "I should go see my parents......."  
She looks at Josh. They haven't really spoken about what happened, but she does know that his brother died. She'd forgotten until her mum told her over the phone, when she revealed that she was seeing Josh. Her mum had told her to be careful. Sophie couldn't believe that he hadn't seen his parents in all these years. Did they even know that he had a successful career ? Sophie's mum said she thought they'd mentioned that he was a cop, so they knew that much. Sophie would like to go back home with Josh but .....  
Josh changes the topic; "so what shall we do tomorrow ?"  
Sophie smiles; "I'm just happy to chill Josh"  
Josh; "that's great to hear honey" and he leans over and kisses her. They move into the bedroom and make love for the first time since the incident. She is relaxed and uninhibited. Josh is thrilled ! She falls asleep in his arms. Josh is grinning from ear to ear.

In the early hours Josh is woken up by a noise. He reaches across for Sophie but she's not there. He sits up quickly, calls out; "Sophie ?".

He gets up, goes out to the bathroom where the light is on. She's standing at the basin, banging her hands on the mirror repeatedly. She scares him. He's worried that she's going to hurt herself. He comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her, holds her hands away from the mirror, against her body in an embrace.  
Josh; "shh, shh, its ok"  
Sophie has worked herself up into a state, breathing rapidly, she must have had another bad dream. Josh leads her out of the bathroom, back to bed.  
Josh; "did you take some pills again ?"  
He's not sure, she needs to but if she already has, he doesn't want to give her more.  
Sophie nods whilst still shaking and crying.  
Josh; "come on, it'll be alright honey, it's just a dream...."  
He lies her down gently on the bed and starts massaging her shoulders, neck, face, all the time speaking calmly to her. Josh had learnt some of these techniques from an ex-girlfriend who was into natural therapies. Just another one of his hidden talents.  
It works, she calms down. Now she's just crying. Josh turns the light off and lies next to her, his arms around her until she falls asleep.

Now Josh can't sleep, he's worried about Sophie, he knows it will soon get better, its only been a week since the incident but all the same it distresses him to see her like this. It's not where he'd like this relationship to be at the moment, she should have moved in with him by now, they should be enjoying life as a smug, contented couple.......


	5. Chapter 5

The final scene of Josh after Gracie

Josh and Sophie are taking a break at a beach-house near Wilson's Promontory. She is still recovering from the stress of the knife attack and has been having panic attacks.

After a couple of days, Sophie is visibly more relaxed and at ease, the panic attacks are less frequent now. They've been for many walks along the beach, explored some caves and for a day trip to Wilson's Promontory. Josh has been doing a good job of keeping her busy and her mind off the incident. She's relaxed enough now to sing along to the music in the car as she watches the countryside pass by. Josh has a smile on his face too. They've become used to an afternoon nap and 'cuddle' in bed and are like a married couple in the kitchen sharing cooking and washing up.

Josh is usually the first to wake in the morning and he spends some time watching her as she sleeps. He's falling in love with her, no, he's long past the "falling in " stage, it's firmly cemented. It's more than a year now since Grace's death and more than 6 months since he and Sophie met. But how does she really feel ? Why won't she accept his offer to move in ?

It's their last night in the beach-house. After dinner they sit on the lounge drinking wine.  
Josh; "I'm going to miss this beach-house"  
He turns and looks at her.  
Josh; "I'm going to miss waking up next to you every morning"  
Sophie smiles and looks down. Josh sighs, what can he say ? He can't ask her to move in with him **again**.Sophie looks back up at him.  
Sophie; "Josh......"  
Josh; "yeah ?"  
Sophie: "I should have told you this before but...........Marisa ( her flatmate) is moving to Sydney"  
Josh; "oh ?"  
Sophie; "yeah, so.......the lease is in her name too, so I'll need to move out"  
Josh; "really ?" ( trying hard not to sound too pleased and not smile too much )  
Sophie; "um......well.....I was wondering if the offer still stood to..........."  
Josh smiles; "of course it does, move in with me Sophie !"  
Sophie: "ok then !"  
Josh kisses her.  
Sophie; "but, it's a bit more complicated isn't it Josh ?"  
Josh; "is it ?"  
Sophie; "well, you're not renting........what do I ..... I mean, do I pay you board or something ?"  
Josh; "you're not a lodger, you're my girl, my partner" and he hugs her.


End file.
